Well, it's a little late but I've finally got the yearend awards ready to post, had to finish counting the ballots. Anyways, as is a 'Cheap Heat' tradition the couple of times a year that David Burcham updates 'Rants & Raves' I give my response be it positive or negative. Well this time is no different and I will be posting a few things after the awards in response such as the number 12 quote from Eddie Guerrero when he got to heaven that Burcham failed to mention. As well as my own "Top 11 Reasons David Burcham should lay off of Samoa Joe." But first, the all important 'Cheap Heat YearEnd Awards.'
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The Serious Awards
2005 Wrestler of the Year- Shawn Michaels
(Michaels showed why he is the "showstopper" once again this year stealing the show at both of the year's big PPV event's, first at Wrestlemania in a true classic with Kurt Angle, and then carrying the poor old Hulkster through a Main Event match at SummerSlam. He also showed that the 'HBK' of old is still around with his pre and post SummerSlam promos on Hogan. Hopefully the old Shawn will be back on tv for good someday)
2005 Tag Team of the Year- America's Most Wanted
(With WWE only having one team that survived all year long (MNM), AMW have been establishing themselves as the top team in TNA since the early days of the promotion. There recent heel turn went well and they seem to have a secure place on the roster and have done well in their battles with 'Team 3-D'.)
2005 Match of the Year- A.J. Styles vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe- X Division Title Match- TNA Sacrifice PPV
(I'm generally not a fan of triangle matches and while this one sort of fell apart towards the end, it more than made up for it in the beginning and middle. This match defines everything positive that TNA has going for it, while Jarrett defines the other end of the spectrum.
2005 Feud of the Year- Johnny Jeter vs. Matt Cappotelli- Ohio Valley Wrestling
(Although I'm sure many people reading this haven't seen a lot of OVW, Paul Heyman took an unfortunatlely timed injury to Cappotelli and turned it into their biggest angle of the year. Making Jeter a heel champion with a TON of heat and people chomping at the bit to see Matt return to get revenge on his former friend and partner. The match finally happened and was incredibly booked with a wall of refs to keep them seperated(which was awesome, I hate when a "grudge match" is built for months only to have these "hated rivals" now suddenly circle each other in the ring and slowly lock up) If you get a chance you really should try to get some tapes of OVW, they have some great things going on there.
2005 PPV of the Year- WWE SummerSlam 2005
(With Wrestlemania really only having one real money match, Angle vs. HBK. Sorry JBL vs Cena and HHH vs. Batista just didn't do anything for me. The big event of the year was SummerSlam. Now even though it may not have delivered with all it could have, you still had to wonder going in, "Will Hardy and Edge be able to make this look like a real fight?" "Will Hogan actually do the job for HBK, Will it be Montreal revisited for the 500th time?" "Will Eddie Guerrero get custody of Rey Mysterio's son????" Ok maybe not the last one, but everyone had to wonder who was gonna do the job when two of the biggest egos in wrestling clashed, and I must say I was sorta shocked at the result.
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The Less Serious Awards (Yet Prestigious Nonetheless)
Douchebag of the Year- David Andrews
Barbara Walters' Interviewer of the Year- Axeman
(It's funny, it doesn't matter if Axeman interviewed the Rock, the 2nd question would be "What do you think of Neil Taylor and Leslie Jones?" the third question would be "Do you think the IWF 'made you'?"
Best Quarterly Wrestling Column- David Burcham
Virgil Runnels' Booker of the Year Award- J.D. McKay
Dave Meltzer Insider Column of the Year- J.D. McKay
Most Likely to get caught spanking it to a AJ Styles video- David Andrews
Larry the Cable Guy "Harder to understand than a hairlip ordering biggie frys"- Cannon's Fire
Quote of the Year- (KoKo B. Ware to David Burcham at the show in Okolona in December) "Why didn't you get up in the ring with us and dance, we could have got you laid tonight."
Virgil Runnels Midnight Rider "'Day'll never know babee" Masked Gimmick of the Year- Death Wish
Most likely to get punched in the nugget by Gene Jackson- David Andrews
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Ok, with that out of the way we move onto the latest 'Rants & Raves', you know the internet column written by an internet mark who ironically refers to other internet writers as internet marks!?!? Anywho, apparently someone at TNA has done something to piss him off as he seemingly has NOTHING good to say about them. I really don't understand why, God knows someone needs to offer an alternative to the horrible SHIT that WWE has been providing in recent years. While I admit Jeff Jarrett is nothing to write home about, you can't deny that guys like Christopher Daniels, AJ Styles, Petey Williams, Abyss, Sabu, Raven, and countless others have put on matches that put WWE to complete shame. As well as offering a place for people like Christian who WWE seemingly had not intention of ever pushing to have a place where he can show his talents outside the confines of the WWE's sitcom script writers. But besides disliking TNA in general apparently Samoa Joe kicked Burcham's dog or something. I don't understand what his beef with Samoa Joe is. I mean if he watched alot of these ROH matches that all these "internet marks" "rubs one off to" he would see the guy can actually work unlike half the guys on Raw and Smackdown. As for your "Tazz in the WWE" analogy well I guess time will tell on that one, but I don't see what your issue is with him, the only things you offered were the fact he wrestles in the X-Division and the fact you don't like his name. I'm sure he will have some wise ass retort to this about me being one of the ones who "rubs one of" I just think if your gonna trash somebody you should have a better line of reasoning. It would be like me coming on here saying, "I'm sick of everyone talking about how great Shawn Micahaels is because his ring music is gay, and I think the superkick is a lame finisher." So to that end I give you the..........
Top 11 Reasons why David Burcham should lay off Samoa Joe
11. Hey, at least he's not Heidenreich.
10. Sure, it's a dumb name but all the "cool" ones like "Olly by Golly" were already taken.
9. Hey at least he's not David Andrews
8. At least he's not another grass skirt wearin' "Wild Samoan"
7. Hey, at least he's not Chris Masters
6. He isn't a thong wearin' dancin' Samoan
5. Hey at least he's not Simon Dean (btw, great wrestler, shitty gimmick)
4. Sure he can't put on a wrestling clinic like "Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James" but hey, who can? (personally I found the 1.5 seconds of Lita's tit to be more entertaining)
3. TNA won't try to make a "movie" with him in the lead.
(TNA films presents Samoa Joe as a cop who has to go undercover and disguise himself as a drug dealer's mother in "Joe Mama".)
2. He doesn't eat worms and break clocks over his head.
And the #1 Reason David Burcham should lay off Samoa Joe
At least he's not KERWIN WHITE! (or Kevin White for that matter!)
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I want to thank David Burcham for always providing me material whenever he decides to get off his ass and write a column and before I leave, as promised the 12th thing Eddie Guerrero said when he got to heaven,
"Hey Kerry, you should hear what that asshole David Burcham said about you in his "Rants & Raves" column, Esse."
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