...in which I discuss Hulk Hogan being awesome, PAC doing flips, and David Batista being the greatest human being alive today.
When I initially wrote this, I was sick as a dog. Some type of whacky acid reflux stuff. Plus, I slept only three hours last night.
Instead of sleeping, I'm going to watch pro wrestling. LET'S WATCH HULK HOGAN VS. BROCK LESNAR FROM 2002. I don't know the exact date here. I just know this is from the lead up Brock vs. Rock.
Crowd is going absolutely ape shit here as the two guys face off. THE MOST EPIC SHIT EVER SEEN ON SMACKDOWN. We need more stuff like this these days. By the way, Paul Heyman is outside the ring being awesome in every single way.
Three and a half minutes in and Hogan just clotheslined Brock out of the ring. Crowd is chanting, "HOGAN, HOGAN, HOGAN!" And of course, Brock is in a foul mood. Crotches Hogan around the ring post and here's the heat, kids. Elbow drop from Brock. Crowd is eating up even the tiny things in this match. They love the Hulkster in every single way. Heyman is standing outside the ring screaming HE'S A LEGEND...FINISH HIM. Brock wants the Hogan chants. Fucking thriving off them, this man is.
Brock goes to taking the gimmicks off the announce table and THE HULKSTER HULKS UP. Michael Cole is losing it. CROWD DOING 10 CHANTS IN THE CORNER AND BROCK LESNAR POWERBOMBS HULK BY GOD HOGAN.
I'm enjoying this match way to match. I still can't get over that bump Hulk took off the powerbomb. Hogan back to no selling stuff. HULKING UP. YYYYYOOOOOUUUUU!!!! AND THE FINGER WAG.
Big Boot. ONE MORE LEG DROP, BROTHER! Hogan and Brock going back and forth. Heyman with the interference. LEG DROP. Cover. And Brock kicks out at two like no ones ever kicked out before. By god, these two men are great. Brock goes to begging off. Another big boot. Heyman with the bullshit interference.
F5.
I hope one day Brock Lesnar comes back to WWE. We need you doing the fake stuff, Brock.
Brock ain't gonna do no pinning. He wants to finish this man. A GIANT BEARHUG HERE FROM LESNAR. HOGAN IS ALMOST OUT. OH GOD HE'S BLEEDING FROM THE MOUTH.
Hogan is out. Ref calls for the bell. For just that moment, The Next Big Thing has killed Hulkamania. Whatcha gonna do, brother? BEARHUG HIM TO DEATH.
This was absolutely fantastic, and about as good a ten minute match as you're going to see. I LOVE HULK HOGAN. A lot of his 2002 stuff was awesome.
Brock isn't done, by the way. He's done got him a steel chair. The people want The Rock. Heyman pleading Brock not to do it. HITS HOGAN ACROSS THE FOREHEAD. The Hulkster gets color and now, I want to buy Summerslam to watch Brock vs. Rock, even though it was nine years ago.
Now, on to something to appease the marks. OMG GUYZ DOING FLIPZ WITH NO PSYCHOLOGY. Anyway, I found a match from something called Dragon Gate Infinity. There appear to be a number of Asians in the crowd.
It's a match between PAC and RICOCHET. Richochet's shoot name is Trevor. No real reason to put there out there. Just thought I would. I'M IN THE KNOW, KIDS.
Ricochet doesn't have his long hair anymore. Actually, he's pretending to be Low-Ki. Anyway, almost immediately, they start doing high spots. Lots of flips. I've never watched a PAC match in my life. Seen plenty of Ricochet. He worked in Tupelo before. I should know. I paid him $100 to do it. He and Chuck Taylor started doing moves and one of the geeks in the crowd yelled THAT'S GYMNASTICS THAT AIN'T WRESTLING. Well, maybe that's true, but at least they had gear.
Back to this match. The guys are exchanging shots back and forth. Ricochet pulls off an awesome reverse frankensteiner. I approve. Two minutes in, and both guys are already selling like they've been hit with grenades.
OMG SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP. I actually don't know what that means, but I've seen it used before, so that's what I'm calling this flip.
I don't think there's a babyface or a heel here. Nothing in the way of any heat...well, there's a head lock. Yes, lots of flips and a HEAD LOCK.
Ricochet's got the fighting spirit, and the Asians are clapping. PAC kicks him in the face. German suplex. Two count. Announcers got way to excited. PAC heading up top. He does some type of flip from the second rope.
Honestly not too impressed with guys, but then again, I really like the mainstream stuff. I'm probably more interested in the characters than the MOVEZ.
PAC up top again. Misses a 450 splash. Richochet hits his own splash. Then he does some whacy backslide driver. HE'S HULKING UP. Or not. Trevor going back up top again. PAC german suplexes him from the top rope. That was pretty awesome. TWO COUNT.
LOL TNA LOL.
Tiger driver. Two count. PAC with another whacky flip from the top rope. He gets the win, and he holds his belt up high. Apparently, he's the champion of something.
I have two title belts in the living room. So, that means I am the champion of Tupelo. ALL SHALL BOW BEFORE ME.
Now, on to something completely different. BIG DAVE BATISTA vs. THE GREAT KHALI in the Punjabi Prison match from No Mercy 2007. Why look this up on YouTube? Well, BIG DAVE is awesome, and quite frankly, Khali and him in a sub-ten minute match sounds awesome. I've never seen this, by the way.
Three minutes in to this video and its been all entrances. This is a whacy structure that they are about to battle in. DAVE HAS WALKED ALONE. Dave jumps right in there, and the battle is on. One minute in and Khali with the chop. I don't have a clue what the rules to this match are.
I love Dave Batista, by the way. Particularly his heel character from his last six months in the company.
So, Khali hit the chop and had the ref open up a door. You have sixty seconds to get out of that particular cage. If you don't, it closes again FOREVER. Yes, if you don't get out of that door it closes forever. So, my thought it this - what if no one got through any of the four doors? Would they be there forever?
This is pretty awful, but in a very entertaining way. Khali is basicallty doing some horrible stuff. Crowd is dead. They're probably confused. DAVE WITH THE SPEAR. And he calls for the door to be opened. Khali is preventing this man from leaving with CHOPS and CHOKES.
The second door had been shut FOREVER.
MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER FROM DAVE WHILE THE THIRD DOOR IS OPEN. OMG HE MIGHT DO IT.
If this was in Tupelo, some mark announcer would be leading the fans in "Let's go Dave! Let's go Dave!" chants. AND THIS DOOR HAS SHUT FOREVER. WE'RE DOWN TO ONE DOOR.
JBL and Michael Cole are on commentary here. I miss JBL. He was really great.
Batista now beating the shit out of Khali with a belt. For some reason, instead of calling for the 4th door, DAVE and KHALI are now climbing the cage. They're in the corner. BIG DAVE BOMB attempt by Dave. Fail. What gets me is that people were paid to think of this concept. At some point, some one really did think this was a good idea.
I've had two Pop Tarts for dinner. I'm sure this can't be good for me.
Khali with a VICE GRIP. He is crushing this man's head. And the crowd is alive. They are willing this man to escape. THERE'S A LOW BLOW. The last door is open. Big Dave is crawling (slowly, I might add) to the last door.
LOL
Khali uses the last cage door as a weapon. And the last door has been locked. So, now this means someone has to climb over the top of the inner cage. Khali actually attempting to climb the cage here.
He fails.
But he tries again.
If I'm the Great Khali, I'm absolutely terrified that this cage won't hold my weight. Khali somehow climbs over. I think that means DAVE has to climb over too. And now Khali has to climb the other cage. TOO MUCH STUFF HERE.
DAVE IS ALIVE. He jumps from one cage to the other. Its a race to see who gets to the ground first. And It's DAVE. DAVE. DAVE. OMG DAVE BATISTA JUST BEAT THE PUNJABI MONSTER. AHHHHHH.
Pure rubbish this was, but Dave Batista makes the love to lots of women, so this was also great.
I walk alone.
www.twitter.com/BigDaddyTupelo
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