Tuesday, July 19, 2011

"...vs. The Road to CM Punk"

...in which I discuss THE ROAD, the GO TO SLEEP pizza, and losing my voice in Chicago, Illinois.



To steal a phrase - THE ROAD WILL OWN YOU.

And the ROAD owned me this weekend.

Twenty-four hours of total driving time. Fourteen hundred miles on a car that was already at the two hundred twenty thousand mile mark. Oh, and I think its about two thousand miles past my last scheduled oil change. But I did not care. I was going to Chicago to watch CM Punk wrestle in front of his people. Of course, the two ladder matches was an added bonus. Plus, I was way, way too excited about the Big Show and Mark Henry being engaged in a battle.

A fun show it was. Actually, the greatest show I've ever seen LIVE, and I've been to a few shows in my day. More on that in a moment, but let me briefly talk about the trip itself.

It is quite a long haul to Chicago. Quite longer than I remember it being, actually. I think it has a lot to do with the trips that I took there when I was in college. The Henderson, TN to Chicago, IL is about an eight hour haul. Well, I don't live in Henderson anymore. Regardless, my depth perception is a bit off when it comes to that drive. Its now much further than it used to be. Plus, I'm older (at the ripe old age of 27) and sitting in a car for a long period of time can be a bit of a chore.

Before heading off to Chicago, there was a brief detour in St. Louis to pick up a good friend of mine. We have traveled many roads to go to many stupid wrestling shows. Actually, the shows may not be what was stupid. The trips were stupid. I mean, who decides its a good idea to decide on a Saturday night to drive to Cleveland, OH to watch a WWE PPV the next day? Well, we did.We drove up there, went to show, and drove back ON NO SLEEP. Men don't need sleep, especially this guy. The proof is in the mustache (of which I have grown an awesome one).

So, we get to Chicago around 4:30 Sunday morning. Chicago is HUGE...but I really don't have to tell you that. It felt like it took forty-five minutes just to drive to North Side. I thought the toll road was never going to end. The hotel was one of those fancy Super 8 establishments. You know...the one star hotel with the whacky odors and the walls so thin you can hear people in the next building doing what the grownups do after dark. But it was cheap and there was a bed. There was also free parking, free internet, and free breakfast. I'm a fat boy that likes my breakfast.

Now, on to wrestling related matters.

Sheamus was signing autographs at the K-Mart about five miles from the hotel. I decided I was going this. Sheamus is my nephew's favorite wrestler, and I am a fan of the guy. Now, to get his autograph, you had to stand in line and get a wristband. Well, I missed out on the wristband. I showed up too late. So, no Sheamus for me. I did decide to head into K-Mart to check out the kind of folks standing in line for Sheamus' autograph. Yes, it was your typical group of wrestling fans. Folks of all kind gathered in a poorly organized line to get this man's autograph. Children who had dragged their parents along. Young adults acting all whacy just so they could get on camera. Plus, I believe I found Drew McIntyre's one and only fan. Yes, there was a woman wearing a Drew McIntyre shirt. I didn't stick around to see Sheamus. I had bigger fish to fry.

In my research for this trip, I discovered that parking around the AllState Arena was horrible. Cars parked four rows deep with barely enough room to open your door once you parked. Security guards that are clueless as to how traffic is supposed to flow. No lines or rhyme or reason and to how to get in and out of this place. So, I decided to head to the venue early just to check things out. The building is located next to a shopping center with a Target, Subway, and IHOP. Really random.

Well, I get there, and its a mess.

Some genius (and they had to be a genuis) scheduled a FLEA MARKET in the parking lot of the venue on the same day as the WWE show. I asked one of the parking guards where I was supposed to park. His response - ANYWHERE! Yes! Chaos already starting. I see the WWE trailers, and I decide that I'm parking there. Flea market folks are back there, and I swear this must've angered the WWE folk greatly that THE MARKS are just hanging out and not being made to go away. While in the line of traffic, Michael P.S. Hayes stepped out of the car next to me. He was dressed in a fine purple suit. You've got to give it to the man. He does know how to dress.

I didn't stay at the flea market. The traffic was already putting me in a foul mood. Plus, I was ready for my next planned adventure - eating pizza. Not just any pizza, but the GO TO SLEEP. You see, there's a pizza place near Wrigley Field called Ian's Pizza, and the place is frequented quite often by CM Punk and his merry gang of misfits. And they named a pizza after his MOVE. It has turkey on it because turkey makes you GO TO SLEEP. It was delicious. I saw Wrigley Field too, but let's not discuss that here. THIS IS WRESTLING TALK.

The Allstate Arena used to be known as the Rosemont Horizon. Its old. WWE has run a lot of shows there. Three Wrestlemanias. The crowds are whacky. They cheer for who they the want to cheer for, regardless of whether they're a babyface or hell. They are bizzaro world, and that's one of the reasons I wanted to go to this show. I'd also like to attend a WWE show in all 50 states. So, this puts Illinois on the list.

I'd to say "HAHAHAHA" to all the geeks that stood in line for hours to get into the building. Listen, you geeks - these are reserved seats. No one is going to get your seat. You don't have to stand out in the heat for hours. You can be like we did and just walk right up to the door when it opens and go right in. So, this building has old blue carpet in the lobby. CARPET. Wretched looking. There appeared to be only one merchandise stand in the entire building. There was a special CM PUNK shirt being sold on this night. It said "BEST IN THE WORLD" on the back. I really can't argue with the guy.

This was the most awesome crowd I've ever been a part of. Even in the upper sections of the arena behind the titantron, these were some passionate fans. They loved their CM Punk. Their hometown hero. My hometown hero, and I'm not from Chicago.

Let's get on to the show.

In the dark match, Santion Marella & Vladimir Kozlov defeated the WWE Tag Team champions David Ortunga & Michael McGuillicutty. Why can't he just be Joe Hennig? It was fine. A good warm up match for the crowd. But really, they didn't need too warmed up. Plenty of CM Punk and Colt Cabana chants. Passionate Colt Cabana chants. He and Ace Steele were in the front row, by the way.

Then the show starts. I've never been that close to the pyro in my life. I've probably damaged my hearing permantly. I'm okay with that.

Daniel Bryan won the Smackdown Money in the Bank ladder match. I never saw that coming. I don't think anyone else did either. I've almost decided that this show was just booked for all the smart marks everywhere. Daniel Bryan winning the first match. CM Punk winning the last match. Daniel Bryan is at some point going to become the World Heavyweight Champion. That's really awesome.

Or he could be the first geek to lose when he cashes it in.

One more thing - LOL SIN CARA LOL. How do you fail a drug test for anabolic steroids at this point unless you're an idiot?

The Divas match was downright wretched. At the same time, I understand its purpose. They had to cool the crowd down after that opener. Still awful though. Awful. Awful. Awful.

I'm amused by Mark Henry's theme music. Such lyrical genius there. "Somebody gonna get their wig split". I almost feel sorry for Mark Henry right now. He's doing the best work of his career. Some awesome, awesome stuff, and no body is talking about it because PHIL is setting the wrestling world on fire. Henry just destroying fools left and right. I'm okay with that because Smackdown does need heels. Smackdown is actually my favorite show...which is beside the point.

Oh...and he beat the BIG SHOW.

This RAW ladder match. I thought someone was going to die. I feared for these men, especially Evan Bource when he went up top and did that shooting star press. A foolish maneuver if there ever was one, but he trusted these men to catch him, and they did. I would've done a belly flop, but that's because I'm a FAT MAN. I loved this finish of this match. Crowd went crazy when del Rio ripped off Rey's mask. Chicago hated Rey Mysterio. I think they always have. I remember them booing him when he won the world title there at Wrestlemania 22.

I thought Alberto del Rio winning this ladder match meant he would beat Punk for the title later on the evening.

I was wrong.

The promo started for the Orton/Christian match. I got up for concessions. These two guys have really good match. They do, but I never need to see them wrestle again, and I did not care about this at all. So, I went and got water. NINE DOLLARS FOR TWO CUPS OF WATER. That angered me.

I'll have to give it to Christian and Randy Orton. I was aparthetic at the beginning and by the end, I was on the edge of seat. This was an awesome match, and it helped that the crowd watched Smackdown and knew the stip about Randy losing the title if he got DQ'd. I popped big when Orton hit that low blow. These two men delivered.

When Orton was delivering his post match beatdown, I thought Daniel Bryan might come down and cash in his briefcase, but he didn't. That almost makes him seem foolish (IF THIS WAS REAL), but I decided that his gimmick almost dictates that he be an HONORABLE MAN and only cash it in for a WRESTLING MATCH and not for some fluke win over a guy who has been beaten up.

We live in a world where CM PUNK and DANIEL BRYAN could be holding both of WWE's world titles.

ROH...what?

I'm not sure else can be said about the main event of this show that hasn't already been said. The crowd was amazing. Punk was awesome. He even wept when he was sitting in the ring. He commanded this crowd on that night like Hogan, Austin, and Rocky in their prime. John Cena held his own as well. This was fantastic, and it is my match on the year.

I'll even do you one better.

Because of the atmosphere and the storytelling, I enjoyed it better than the Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels from Wrestlemania 25. I left the show that night thinking it was the greatest thing I had ever seen. Well, John Cena vs. CM Punk is my new favorite match of all time. Don't lecture me about the botches in the match. I don't care. IT WAS AWESOME. So awesome, in fact, that my continuous yelling and shouting caused me to lose my voice the next day.

IHOP was had after the show due to not wanting to sit in the car and wait for traffic to clear out. I was exhausted, both physically and mentally. A good LIVE wrestling show will leave you drained like that.

It was a long drive home the next day. I got back to Tupelo around 11pm, and I had to be back at work at 3am. I did it because I am a man who loves his wrestling. I'd like to think that wrestling loves me back. She is my mistress.

Next road trip: End of August? I might do the Jackson, MS to Memphis, TN loop for a couple of RAW house shows. Of course, with it being house shows, it might be the same card both nights.

Final thought - I recommend everyone just go to as many pro graps shows as you possibly can. You'll be a better person for it.

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