vs. The Stuff They Don't Want You to See

The latest vs.... from Michael Humphries...




Let's review some Florida Championship WRESTLING, shall we?

I'm intrigued by WWE Developmental. Its interesting to see guys with different gimmicks and looks than what you see on TV every week. Of course, WWE doesn't really want you to see this stuff. A lot of the guys are really green, and you get whacky things like a babyface Sheamus and Alberto del Rio.

Speaking of Alberto del Rio...

Here's a match from the January 17, 2010 edition of FLORIDA CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING. Its a matchup between Heath Slater and Alberto Banderas...WHO YOU NOW KNOW AS ALBERTO DEL RIO.

I hate Heath Slater with a passion. I hate his look. I hate his red hair. I hate absolutely everything about him. Out of all the Nexus/Corre guys, he's the one I truly, truly hate. I don't know what there is to like about it. Wade Barrett is the obvious main eventer of the group. They're trying really hard with Ezekiel Jackson. Justin Gabriel looks like he'll be a really good babyface one day if they go in that direction. And then there's Heath Slater. I could actually spend a whole column on the guy.

But I won't.

This is from before Slater got called up to WWE for NXT. He's got longer hair. He's sticking his tongue out, and I want to do nothing more than punch him in the f'n face.

Sounds like Wade Barrett is doing commentary on this match. I'm not sure why.

And here comes Michael Tarver. Did you know he's the son of a preacher and a prize fighter? I'd like to think they were the same person or perhaps his mother is a prize fighter.

Anyway, Tarver is cutting a promo on Slater. Calls him a redneck from West Virginia. Rips on his dancing. I'm suddenly a fan of Michael Tarver.

BLOW THEIR MINDS. I never need to hear that phrase used again.

And here's Alberto Banderas. He's wearing some whacky leather stuff, and he's got some red flames on his tights. HE'S A BABYFACE. Alberto del Rio he is not. Absolutely no crowd reaction for his entrance.

Heath Slater throws some pretty awful punches.

Pretty basic WWE style match. I think Heath Slater is supposed to be the heel, but I'm not sure. I HATE THIS MAN.

Michael Tarver is still hanging out ouside the ring. I think he and Slater are buddies or something. Maybe Heath will BLOW HIS MIND later on after the show. They'll probably tape it and put it on the YouTube.

Alberto with the comeback and he hits a whacky piledriver. Slater kicks out. HEATH SLATER tries to cheat by using the ropes during a pinfall.

Alberto wins the match with a hurricanrana. You'll never see Alberto del Rio using that one. The crowd doesn't care even though Alberto is the babyface. Talk about someone completely miscast. Alberto as a Mexican aristocrat heel is awesome. Alberto as a fiery babyface doing moves...not so much.

I've decided I need to watch more Florida Championship Wrestling.

Here's an interesting looking one...Mason Ryan vs. Richie Steamboat.

Yes, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat's son.

This is from August 27, 2010. Looks like it was shot with a handheld camera. Fans keep pointing out that Mason Ryan does look like Batista, even going as far as to start a chant.

Richie with some kicks to the legs to try to bring the big man down. It doesn't work, but Mason gets annoyed and powders out. Now, they're brawling outside the ring.

This isn't that whacky, which makes me sad. As a matter of fact, its actually really bad.

Richie still working the knee and legs. He tries going for a figure four and fails miserably. They're going back outside again.

MASON RYAN WITH A HEADLOCK. The mark who is shooting this thing says, "That's a really impressive resthold." Mason now with a body slam.

Three minutes left in the video. I really want this thing to hurry up and end. Now, Mason has taken to no selling stuff. BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO NO SELL THE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK WHOOOOOO!!! Instead, he gets to the ropes.

Mason Ryan wins with a torture rack of all things. He really shouldn't be on TV yet. Just saying.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Yamamoto. I don't know when this took place or who Yamamoto is. I do know that TIFFANY of ECW fame is the ring announcer.

Yamamote is a whacky Asian looking feller and he wears a red gi because all Asians know karate. I'd like to have been apart of that meeting to come up with that gimmick.

"We've got an Asian feller here. Let's make him do a karate gimmick."

Anyway, these guys are having a match. Pretty much looks like a showcase for Dolph Ziggler.

It bothers me that I don't know who Yamamoto is. I'm gonna pause this video and look on the wikipedia.

Apparently, Yamamoto is Yoshi Tatsu. How I didn't realize this, I do not know. He's a bit chubbier that he is now. Plus, the whole karate gimmick throws me off. Back to the match.

Two minutes into the match and they just did a double clothesline. Yep, working a WWE style match. The Asian is up first and goes to kicking Dolph Ziggler. I really need Yoshi to quit doing the karate stuff.

They keep doing a series of near pinfalls. Basically, Yoshi just does every combination of a pinfall you can think of and fails each time.

Dolph wins with his Zig Zag. They call it THE BLONDE AMBITION.

I've had my fill with these geeks.

Remember, kids...you too can be a WWE Superstar.

I'M THE BEST IN THE WORLD AT WHAT I DO.

Sleepy time.