Michael Humphreys checks in with a new column...
So, I'm sitting here on a Tuesday night (May 24, 2011 to be exact) and Joey Styles says on Twitter that NXT is LIVE tonight. They're on the west coast tonight so that makes sense. I've decided this might be something whacky to watch. Of course, I should be asleep. BUT WHO NEEDS SLEEP. I don't. I'm a man with a beard.
Anyway, I join the show about three minutes late and some geek named BIG LEAGUE BYRON SEXTON IS IN THE RING. I really don't know what he was rambling on about. Apparently, neither does MARYSE (who is the host of this show and quite a lovely woman). She makes a tag match with Byron Sexton and his pro Yoshi Tatsu (whom Maryse is dating in storyline) against Tyson Kidd and Lucky Cannon. I have high hopes for Yoshi and Tyson here. They worked a fine little match on last week's Superstars show.
(You need to watch Superstars. Michael P.S. Hayes is Tyson Kidd's manager and he cuts promos about geeks not knowing how to get over. Oh, and he thinks people are out of shape and stupid. When Tyson tries to do flips, Hayes tells him YOU AIN'T GOT TO BE THAT PRETTY ALL THE TIME.)
Ok. On to the match and we've got some Tyson Kidd and Yoshi Tatsu action right here. These two are pretty great. Commentators for the match (and the show, for that matter) are Todd Grisham and William Regal. They tell me that Byron Sexton is wanting emancipation from his pro, Yoshi. I'm indifferent. Also, the second elimination is next week.
Commercial break. Its a promo for the Wrestlemania 27 DVD.
When we come back, we've still got Tyson and Yoshi doing their stuffs. Tyson has on some armbar and he keeps yelling "COME ON YOSHI, TAP OUT." An armbar. Yoshi is such a great babyface. Yoshi gets out and does a schoolboy, but this was foolishness as Tyson gets over and tags in Lucky Cannon.
I believe Yoshi would be the "babyface-in-peril" here. Lucky is still working over the arm. That's what I like about shows like NXT, Superstars, and Smackdown. There's more SPORTS ENTERTAINING than on Raw. I think by the time they get to Tuesday everyone is so burned out from rewriting RAW that they just do matches on the other shows. So, instead of the usual two minute fare, you get actual lengthy matches with guys working over body parts.
Back to the match, Yoshi tried to go for the tag, but Byron did the DASTARDLY thing and refused to help his mentor. So, Yoshi decides to take care of things himself. AND HE'S A HOUSE OF FIRE. Kicks everywhere. Todd Grisham mentions his Fighting Spirit.
And now Bryon tags himself in. Yoshi shoves him down and there's Tyson with the Sharpshoot. Byron taps. LOL THE HEEL AND HIS PLANS BACKFIRING.
I hope Yoshi goes and makes sweet sweet Asian love to Maryse now. I mean, I would. Except I'm not Asian. So, it would just be sweet, sweet FATTY love, which would probably be pretty nasty.
Too much love making talk here.
Post match: Yoshi kicks Byron in the face for disrespecting him. That seems like the Asian thing to do. Forgive all the Asian talk. I promise I'm not a racist. I used to have an Asian friend who drank a lot, but that's another story for another time.
Main event of this show is a No-DQ match between Titus O'Neill and Darren Young. That just sounds...awful.
HERE'S A BULLYING COMMERCIAL. DON'T BE A BULLY, KIDS...UNLESS YOU'RE ON WWE TV OR YOUR NAME IS JOHN BRADSHAW LEYFIELD.
We get a recap of Over the Limit and MONDAY NIGHT RAW. I thought Raw was a lot of fun last night. I'm pretty much a fan of everyone on the show, except for John Cena. And that's only because he's been on top for so long that I'm just burned out on the guy. Of course, they've got no one else to put on top, so he will be there for a while.
Back to the show. Apparently, Hornswoggle has gone missing. Darren Young has kidnapped him. I don't know what that's about. Apparently, he's been locked up in a crate. William Regal is using a serious voice. These people do realize that Hornswoggle isn't a child, right?
Matt Striker doing an interview with Darren Young and Chavo Guerrero. How 'bout asking Chavo how he managed to suck it up on the PPV against Sin Cara? Geek.
JTG headed to the ring next. He's facing Conor O'Brian. Conor has a good look, but why do these geeks have whacky spellings for their names?
Another commercial break. A promo for Randy Orton's movie. He's pitch perfect and will go to the papers if he has to. What happened to Ed Harris, by the way? He used to look like a badass. Now he just looks old.
I know nothing about Conor's work, so this will be a first look for me. Vladimir Kozlov is Conor's pro, and he's just hanging out on the apron like it's a tag match. I'm not sure why. Maybe that's some gimmick that they do.
They're outside now. JTG throws Conor back in. I'm not sure who the babyface or heel is here. JTG with some hard strikes to the back. And then a back suplex. Vladimir with a look on his fact.
JTG proclaims loudly I'M THE BEST PRO IN THE WORLD. I think JTG is working heel here.
Many moons ago, JTG was The Neighborhoodie. I saw him and Shad do a dark match in Memphis in August 2006 before they got called up to the main roster. I'm so fat that I bought two seats that night so I would have plenty of breathing room.
JTG taunting the crowd here and points at William Regal...AND EL OH F'N EL...HE GETS ROLLED UP FROM BEHIND AND PINNED BY O'BRIAN.
JTG is pissed and goes to beating down Conor while he and Kozlov are celebrating. Kozlov with the save. A HEABUTT TO THE CHEST.
TO THE BACK. Titus O'Neill is looking for Hornswoggle. He's hiding in a duffle bag. WTF is this? ACTING.
Commercial.
We're back. Twenty minutes left in the show and here comes Darren Young and Chavo Guerrero for the main event. Titus O'Neill comes out to that WILD AND YOUNG song from the first season.
I don't understand why Darren Young is on this show. He was in Nexus. He main evented Summerslam. He's worked on Superstars a lot. And he even had gimmick for a while (He was the MISSING LINK).
Match starts with Titus whooping up on Darren while shouting SO, YOU WANT TO BE A BULLY? I think he's pissed. William Regal on commentary is something else. He talks in such a low key voice that you wouldn't expect from a WWE Commentator. He's legit just spent like five minutes explaining why the Abdominal Stretch is such a painful move.
This is a No-DQ match so they go outside. DON'T BE A BULLY OR TITUS O'NEILL WILL DO THINGS TO YOU. Now, he's barking like a dog. I don't understand.
And they awkwardly went to break. These guys were doing moves and it just went to black.
PROMO FOR FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN. I LOVE THAT SHOW.
We're back and the guys are doing things outside the ring. This crowd hates Chavo. CHAVO SUCKS chants.
Darren Young looks like John Cena in blackface.
They keep cutting to the back and showing Hornswoggle poking his head out the duffle bag to watch the match. He looks afraid. Chavo is cheating here, by the way.
Titus back in control and hits a shoulder break on Young. Chavo breaks up the pinfall, but it's no DQ so he can do that. Blatant interference, but what does it matter? OH SHIT HORNSWOGGLE JUST PUT WAR PAINT ON HIS FACE AND HE'S COMING TO THE RING. HE'S SEEN ENOUGH.
Chavo has a chain now...an old Memphis staple. Here's comes Hornswoggle. And I don't know why these to men are afraid of a tiny person. Titus uses him as a battering ram. 'Swoggle going up top for the TadPole splash and he hits it. Titus O'Neill with the pin and the win.
Hornswoggle and Titus celebrating here as we go to replay.
That was a lot of fun. Nothing horribly offensive on this show. I've learned if you go into these things with low expectations you'll enjoy things a lot more.
There's the copyright, and I'm out.
NIGHTY NIGHT.
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