The debut column from Michael Humphreys
I wrote all of this Thursday night before the passing of Randy Savage. Such an awful thing to hear. I follow a lot of news, sports, and wrestling types on Twitter, and the first tweet I saw about it was from a sports business reporter for CNBC. And then twitter just blew up. Seriously, its like everyone had a Macho Man story, and I think that's awesome. Sadly, Macho Man was one of those guys that I never got to see live, and I've seen a lot of them. I've been watching this mess since 1989. Anyway, I'm sure many more people will be writing a lot more poignant things over the next few days, so read them. I'm just a guy who watches this stuff on TV.
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Hi, everyone.
Gene asked me about a month or so ago if I wanted to write for the new website. At first I turned the gig down because my interest in wrestling has its ups and downs, but after much consideration, I decided, "Why not?". I need a good outlet to write my thoughts about SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. I chose the ".vs" theme for the column because I feel like its a bit of a battle trying to watch this stuff sometimes. ME VERSUS PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING.
(I'm watching IMPACT WRESTLING while I type this. They've changed the name of the show and fifteen minutes into it there's been a bunch of talking and now geeks are brawling. I really, really hate this company with a passion.)
Here are ten things you probably need to know about me and this column:
1. I think this thing will mainly be me watching things on YouTube and writing about what I see. I don't do play-by-play. I USE CAPS LOCK A LOT. I curse a little bit. It'll be one big stream of consciousness, so there won't be a lot of paragraphs or proper grammar.
2. I wake up for work every morning at 3am which makes me one of most miserable f'n persons you'll ever meet. I sleep a lot, and it happens at weird times. Basically, if you're awake then I'm not and vice-versa.
3. I hate Heath Slater. There's no reason this geek should be on my TV every week. His catch phrase sucks. "I'M THE ONE MAN ROCK BAND, AND I'M GOING TO BLOW YOUR MIND." I feel like he's just threatening his opponents with oral sex if they disagree with him.
4. I enjoy things that a lot of people don't. I'm entertained by Alberto del Rio. I like Brodus Clay. WWE Superstars is must watch internet TV in my opinion. ZACK RYDER IS REALLY GREAT.
5. I've taken a superkick to the chin from Shawn Reed twice. In 2002, he really kicked me. I mean really, really hard in the face. I used to have it on VHS tape, but somewhere along the way, I lost the tape. In 2007, he kicked me again, and I didn't feel a thing.
(Time to pause for IMPACT TALK: Ric Flair just said, "Kiss my ass, fatboy." That made me laugh a little bit. What a great man.)
6. Four years ago, I did some ring announcing. I helped get some folk on some CHIKARA shows. Then other folk got pissed off at me. It only took me ten months to realize I preferred watching this stuff as a fan as opposed to actually being in the business. I'M A MARK, and I'm not ashamed to admit that.
7. I once paid good money to get Ric Flair's autograph and shake his hand. He called me "Mike" after I told him my name was Michael. If Ric Flair thinks I'm a "Mike", then he can call me Mike.
8. I hate Mr. Anderson. I don't know if he's supposed to be a babyface or a heel. He yells alot and keeps shouting asshole. WHERE'S MY TITLE SHOT? He needs to go away.
9. I've been to four Wrestlemanias. DRIVEN TO THEM. Detroit. Houston. Phoenix. Atlanta. The whole weekend is great, and if you've never gone, you owe it to yourself as a wrestling fan to go.
10. The greatest professional wrestling match of all time is the Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels from Wrestlemania 25 in Houston, Texas. You do not get to argue with me about this. I was there LIVE, and 70,000 other marks agreed with me.
So, there you go. I'll post stuff when I feel like it. If you've got anything you want me to review, send me a link or an e-mail (franchisenationcmh@gmail.com) or something.
Follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/BigDaddyTupelo
Take care. Spike your hair. (I STOLE THAT FROM ZACK RYDER)
I'M OUT.
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